BIGCHEESE.BLOG

⚠️ An Open Letter to a Certain Individual Who Knows Exactly What They Did and I Will NOT Be Staying Calm About It

I want to start by saying that I have been very patient. Historically patient. Abnormally patient. Scientists would study my patience if they knew about it. But today — TODAY — that patience has run out, and I am putting it all on record on the internet where it will live forever, or at least until GeoCities goes down again.

You thought I forgot. I want you to know: I did not forget. I have a document. It is 3,000 words. It has subsections.

Let's go back to the beginning. Let's go all the way back to the incident. You know the one. I don't even need to describe it because you were there, you were absolutely there, and you knew what you were doing, and you looked directly at me while you did it, and then you had the absolute nerve — the audacity, the sheer continental-shelf-sized gall — to act like it was normal. Like that was just a thing that happened. Like I was supposed to just continue existing normally after that.

"But BigCheese," my three readers will say, "what exactly did they DO?" — and to that I say: you know what, it doesn't matter. What matters is the principle.

The principle being: some things are simply not done. There is a social contract. There are rules, even unwritten ones, and those rules exist for a reason, and that reason is so that people like you don't go around doing the thing that you did as if the rules simply don't apply. What are you, some kind of rules-exempt person? A little rules-free zone walking around on two legs? Absolutely not. Not on my watch. Not while I have a blog.

AND I HAVE A BLOG.

I stayed up until 2 AM writing this. I revised it four times. I almost used a thesaurus. Do you understand the level of commitment this represents? I looked up how to center text in HTML again. For you. Because of what you did.

Here is a partial list of my grievances, organized by severity:

First: the main thing, which I've alluded to. You know. Second: the way you acted afterward, which honestly was almost worse than the thing itself. Third: the smug energy. You know what I mean by the smug energy. Don't pretend you don't. Fourth — and this is crucial — the timing. Of all the moments to do what you did, you chose that moment. That specific one. I have thought about this for a long time and I cannot arrive at any conclusion except that you chose it on purpose.

"Maybe you're overreacting." — What the people who don't get it say. Those people are wrong and probably also your friends.

Am I overreacting? Let me think about that. No. Next question.

I want to be clear that I hold no personal animosity toward you as a general human being in the abstract sense. My problem is entirely with your specific actions and choices and personality and the thing you did and the other thing, and also frankly the vibe. Mostly the vibe. The whole vibe is wrong and has been wrong for a long time and I don't know how you walk around with that vibe like it's acceptable.

This blog post will be seen by up to four people annually. Four people who will know the TRUTH. That is four more people than knew before. The tide is turning.

I have also prepared a follow-up post in case you try to respond. It is 4,500 words and I'm much angrier in it. Consider that a warning. Consider it a deterrent. Consider it the nuclear option in the escalating blog conflict you started by doing what you did.

In conclusion: I hope this finds you well, and by "well" I mean "aware that this exists and that the four people who visit this site annually will read it and think about it for at least several seconds before closing the tab." This is my power. I wield it now. You reap what you sow.

I'm not even going to proofread this.

(I proofread it twice. I found two typos. I fixed them. This changes nothing.)